Funny Marine vs Army Jokes

The armed forces of any country are categorized in to three disciplines that are army force, marine force and air force. In general, we call them just army or military. However, in actual, the army force protects its country on ground basis, marine forces protect its nation on waters and air force protects the people of its country from air attacks. All three forces are of course mandatory for safety and prosperity of any country. Every nation regards the people of its all three forces very well, as they are the persons that do not care about their own lives and just care about the safety and protection of their county as well as people. as you know that humorists do not leave any topic in their writings and funny stuff, so how could be it possible that army and marine forces would be safe from their humor. Here are some funny jokes about army and marine.



1. The story of how the Marines became a branch under the Department of the Navy:

It seems that after WW I, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.

The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and an old jackass.

Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.

The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.


2. One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.


3. This Marine, all messed up from Vietnam, went to the hospital to get checked. Because of the war, his brain was all scewed up, and all he could say was the words to the Marines hymn.

So the doctor asked his name, he replied, "From the halls of montezuma..."

The doctor decided to remove part of his brain, thinking that would cure it. When the doctor did this, the Marine still said "From the halls of montezuma..."

The doctor figured he did not remove enough of the brain. So after removing some more, the marine still only said those words.

The doctor, now getting frustrated, decided to take the rest of the brain out. Now the Marine, with no brain, stood up and started singing, "Be all that you can be..."


4. An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"


5. New soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.

The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?


6. During training exercises, the Lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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