14 Funny Jokes about Lawyers, Judges, and Courts

Being a lawyer and a judge are the hardest professions. Attending a trial at the court, listening to the points of both the parties and than passing a judgment is the most difficult for a judge because the life of a person can be sentenced to death or imprisonment by their final decision. This profession is taken as the hardest working profession and needs a lot of skill to understand the complexity of the issues. A person after years of practicing law becomes a lawyer and a judge presides over the court proceedings either alone or sometimes a part of a panel in complex issues. Looking on the funny aspect of this profession, the humor mostly came from the lawyers. While defending their clients, lawyers some times pick up such elements which can create humor and a laugh in the courtroom. Picking up such funny elements, we have some funny jokes about lawyers, judges and courts which you will enjoy reading.



1) Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.


2) Family Law Judge to Father: Do you have anything to offer this court before I issue my judgment?
Father: No your honour, my lawyer took it all.


3) The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!” “Why?” asked the Judge. “Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”


4) "I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."
"Why do you say that?"
"Listen to this from his bill: 'for waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."


5) How many Supreme Court judges does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.


6) What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?
Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!


7) What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.


8) Family Law Judge to Mother: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?
Mother: I do.
Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?
Mother: Sure. I get everything I want.


9) A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasnt true.
"Im as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.
The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."


10) Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving


11) Judge: “Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?” Defendant: “Yes, it’s true.” Judge: “Then, why don’t you just pay him back?” Defendant: “Because it wouldn’t be true anymore.”


12) Mr. Schneider stood up in court. “As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money.” Glaring down at him, the judge replied, “He’s not. I am. You do.”


13) Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
They don't become so attached to the lawyers.


14) What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
Your Honour.

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