12 Funny Jokes about Retirement and Unemployment

People who are retired and unemployed both spend a great deal of leisure time. The difference is that when you are retired you are satisfied with what life has given you and when you are unemployed you are worried of what life will bring your way.  Getting retired can be great fun and you can plan your life in a way which is free of worries and full of freedom. Whereas being unemployed can make you stressed out and worried about your future. Retirement brings money but unemployment brings worries of earning money. You can plan a holiday, spend time with your family or enjoy a social gathering in retirement. It is probably the best time for people to have fun in their life after fulfilling all their responsibilities. Unemployment can make you frustrated and tensed and you cannot enjoy the beauties of life without having a penny in your pocket. Enjoy our collection of jokes about retirement and unemployment and share to make others laugh as well.



1) The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts."
After few hours of complete check up the doctor declares, "We've found your problem."
"Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree.
"You've broken your finger!"


2) How do Republicans increase unemployment?
Answer: They cut spending on Monica Lewinsky.


3) What do gardeners do when they retire?
Bob Monkhouse


4) I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, ‘Okay, you're unemployed!"


5) At a retirement home.
Sam: "Bill, where did you get those fancy alligator shoes?"
Bill: "I'm barefoot."


6) I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership recently. A salesman came out and said: 'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!' Later I learned he was talking about the payments.


7) How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it might take all day.


8) What will we do if we do not get a job?
With so many people unemployed, they will have to hire people to process unemployment claims.


9) What do you like the most about getting retired?
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas.The goal is 2 enjoy it the fullest, bt not so fully that you run out of money.


10) The other day I woke up in a panic thinking I was late for work. I grabbed my clothes and was on my way out the door, when I remembered it was a weekend. Relieved I took my suit off and put some comfortable clothes on. Then I remembered I'm unemployed.


11) A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' 
Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'
Wife: 'How do you know which gender they were?'
Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone'


12) Q. What's the worst thing about growing unemployment?
A. It gets harder to screw your girlfriend with her husband home.

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